Endings and Beginnings…or Beginnings and Endings?
The irony was not lost on my oldest son or me.
He recently called with the exciting news that he was buying his first home with his fiancé near Fort Worth, Texas. Next spring, he will be married, and it warms my heart with pride the excitement and happiness in his voice.
Life is taking me in the opposite direction. His mother and I soon will be separating and eventually divorcing after nearly 30 years of marriage. We put our house on the market this past weekend, and will likely have a deal in place in the very near future. We’ve each signed a lease on apartments and will be moving into our respective places next month.
This weekend, I went back home for the wedding of a young lady I’ve watched grow up into an amazing woman. She along with her twin sister were flower girls as toddlers at our wedding. She’s now going to be a doctor and is starting a family of her own with her new husband. Like my son, she has a bright future, and I wish her all the happiness in the world.
Sitting at this beautiful, outdoor ceremony Saturday evening, I thought about all of the changes I’ve seen in the last couple of years, good and bad, and the unknown road ahead. Looking back, I remember how exciting and scary those times were when I was their age.
It wasn’t all easy; in fact, most of it was pretty hard. There were lots of difficult decisions, heartbreaking losses and unforeseen family sacrifices. But there was also love I had never felt before, unexpected successes, and the fulfillment of my most cherished dream: building and growing a stable family.
Despite the sadness and hurt I feel now, I know deep in my heart that no one gets to trade out the bad that happens and only keep the good. Without the bad, there is no good; without the end, there are no new beginnings. All of the heartache, joy, pain and happiness combine to make us who we are and who we will be. We are the sum of all those parts and experiences, and the sum is greater than any of those individual pieces.
As I sit at this new life intersection, still not sure where to turn or know what happens next, I suppose those long-ago feelings of excitement and fear still exist. But the life I have led since then gives me hope that there are better days ahead. There will be more peaks and valleys, more endings and beginnings, but my story’s still being written, and I need to embrace the entire journey.