Gratitude and Guilt

My prayer life is fraught with gratitude and guilt…

So very thankful for —-so much!

     Love, life, family, friends, food, shelter…and more.

But as I prepare to pray, the news is on…

     Earthquakes, war in Ukraine, hunger in Kenya, injustice in Palestine.

     Women in Afghanistan & Iran, racism, gun violence and more.

How dare I?

How dare I be grateful for the “so much” I have?

    And it has all come to me mostly by virtue of being white, middle class, etc.

Guilt sobs beneath my gratitude.

I can’t help but ask:

What kind of God allows this: 

    Some of us so much

    Too many too little?

If I were God I think I’d wipe out this evil human species,

   For millennia so much violence, war and power grabbing…

Good thing I’m not God, right?

But still I wonder…

My lifetime of faith tells me God is love…maybe ‘only’ love.

So is it for me, for us of this too often terrible species, to

Be grateful enough.

To embody love? To live love?

To somehow “be” God in the midst of the mess of the world?

And if so—can it matter?