Name It to Tame It

Human beings are very susceptible to being high-jacked by our own stress responses, effectively shutting down logical reasoning and other capabilities that help us to thrive. Fascinating research into brain function has revealed that when people try to outwardly suppress a negative emotional experience, inwardly they are just as aroused as without suppression, sometimes even more so. Which is to say, pretending we are okay doesn’t help us feel better and can even make us feel even worse.

Other research has revealed that scolding others or ourselves with comparison (“it’s not as bad as what is happening to [someone else, somewhere else]”), minimizing (“yeah, my job sucks, but at least I have a job”), or shaming (“I should just be more grateful for what I have”) activates and deepens our stress reaction, effectively riling up the parts and processes that make us feel worse and shutting down those that can make us feel better.

So, if “fake it ‘til you make it” and “suck it up, buttercup” and “at least…” and “you should just…” all don’t work to calm the stress response and ease suffering, what does? A practice called Emotional Tuning, mindfully paying attention to and either identifying what we are feeling or describing the accompanying sensations in the body, activates the parts of the nervous system that move us toward an experience of calm. In effect, it’s us saying, “I see you” to our own precious, vulnerable, striving, wounded selves, and this act of simple validation is profoundly soothing. When we name it, we tame it.

Loving God, help us to clearly see ourselves with mindful acceptance, and help us to be kind.

Amen